You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
