I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
