Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
