I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
