Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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