She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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