I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
