she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
