my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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