So drunk its hurt
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
