Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
