i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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