OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
