it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
