I need help removing her.
Me too!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
