Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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