so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
