I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
