i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
