we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
