i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
