dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need a beard to bite.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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