I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
