you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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