Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
