So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
