Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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