I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
