My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
