I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
