we have pet lesbian snakes
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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