I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
