yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
