By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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