I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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