I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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