hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
