I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize