Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
