Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
