Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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