I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
