if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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