somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize