this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is wine microwaveable?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize