a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
