one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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