It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
