morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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