I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize