she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
