i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
