I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
