so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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