A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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