They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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