pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
