You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize