She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
