Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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