The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
