Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
