Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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