HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
