you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
