we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how drunk are you?
Several
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
