Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
